Lesbian and Bi women

Talking to a new sexual partner about safer sex may seem awkward but it’s really important! Many lesbian, bisexual and queer women do not talk about safer sexual practices but this doesn’t mean that they can’t get a STI.

Low risk doesn’t equal no risk!

Remember…. STIs do not discriminate!

If you’re not quite sure where to start or what to say here are some handy tips and tricks:

STARTING OUT

Tell your partner that you care about them and their body. Make sure you’re protecting each other in order to have the best sex possible!

If you feel able, tell them about your safer sex history. This might make them feel more relaxed. You don’t have to share everything but it’s a good way to start the conversation. Why don’t you tell them when you were last tested and if you’ve had any STIs in the past? If you’re honest about your history, they’re more likely to be too.

QUESTIONS TO ASK:

Hey, can we talk about safe sex? It may seem obvious but this is a good place to start. Talk about how you want to have fun and don’t want to worry.

Do you know if you have any STIs?

When was the last time you were tested?

Do you have any gloves/femidoms/condoms? Would you like to try them out? Why not make this fun and sexy? You could even talk about new sensations or feelings.

Would you like to get a test together? If you’re open about frequent testing or you think you may need one this may encourage them to do the same! It’s great to make testing a habit.

ONE PARTNER OR MORE

If you aren’t in a monogamous relationship or are having casual sex make sure all partners are consenting and know that you’re having sex with others. This not only protects yourself, but also shows you respect them. It’s a good idea to have a clear sexual health plan for those you’re having sex with. Remember to also be tested every time you start having sex with a new person.

SAFER SEX HISTORY

What do we mean by our safer sex history?

Having safer sex doesn’t just mean using all the paraphernalia, it’s also about your physical, psychological and mental wellbeing as well as enthusiastic consent from all those involved. When we talk about our history, it relates to all these things, as well as when you were last tested, and if you’ve ever had an STI.  Respect their boundaries, and know yours.  You don’t necessarily have to disclose how many sexual partners you’ve had or what you’ve done with them but have a conversation about what’s important for you and how everyone can stay safe and have fun!

CONSENT

Consent is the permission for something to happen. It’s about getting a clear yes for what you’re doing or participating in. It’s essential that you get and give consent before and during sexual activity. If someone says no, stop immediately. If someone cannot give consent, stop. Only active enthusiastic consent is a yes.

Consent doesn’t have to mean awkward fumbling. It’s a fun and sexy way to have great sex where everyone involved is safe and in control.

Talk about it: What do you like and not like? What are your boundaries? What protection might you want to use?

Why not turn it into foreplay and dirty talk? Here are just some examples:

Can I touch you here? Do you like that? I want to suck your…can I? Does that feel good?

Don’t forget body language! Bodies are an integral part of any sexual activity so pay attention to what their body is saying. Slow down, take your time, and if they want to stop – Stop!

If you’re struggling with raising the subject of safer sex, STIs and testing or other aspect of sexual health and relationships with your partner(s) why not speak to our Lesbian & Bisexual Women’s Sexual Health Outreach Worker by calling the office on 0121 643 0821.