Lesbian Visibility Week 21st April – 27th April
Oh hello, it’s a lesbian speaking.
To this day I consider it a miracle that I’m calling myself that. After all, I didn’t know that lesbians existed until I was 17.
When I was 14, one of my classmates told me that boys make fun of her for being bi. I had no idea what being bi meant, so I asked. That’s when my world was shook up a bit. I would have never thought that girls can like girls (okay, maybe if Hayley Kiyoko released this song just a few years earlier, I would).
Since then, I still didn’t identify as a woman loving woman. It took my best friend who told me that she’s bi and had a crush on me to actually kiss a girl for the first time and realise it feels amazing!
Still, because of my crushes on boys, I thought of myself as bisexual. It’s not like I haven’t kissed boys and enjoyed that either. But the older I am, the more I see how the source of pleasure from kissing with boys was their attention and the fact that someone liked me at all. Isn’t that a perfect example of compulsory heterosexuality? If you don’t know what that is, I highly recommend finding out more.
My ex-girlfriend was the first lesbian I’d ever met and that showed me how much more connected to women I feel. For anyone asking, yes, we’re still very, very close friends (as if I couldn’t be more lesbian).
When I was growing up, I’d heard of gay men, read about them in books, saw them in movies, but there was no mention of lesbians or even women loving women around me. I have no clue if that’s just a matter of being raised in Poland or if the visibility of lesbians in the UK was similar at that time, but that’s just my story.
To me, visibility starts with exactly that, being aware of the diversity of human experiences. If it resonates, it’s like seeing yourself in a mirror for the first time, and, hopefully, liking the view.
I’m ecstatic that now we live in the so called Lesbian Renaissance, with more representation on social media, in the music and film industry, and more and more sapphic gatherings happening in real life in the UK and abroad.
I get so emotional every time I watch Chappell Roan’s performance at the Grammy’s. It makes me think of the impact she has on the visibility of lesbians. I’d give a lot to have heard Good Luck, Babe when I was younger. Maybe then, I’d have realised that I don’t want to wake up next to him in the middle of the night, but I cannot wait to wake up next to her every morning for eternity.
But I cannot stop thinking about those who like me in the past, haven’t even heard the word lesbian, or only heard it used as a slur. That’s why I will never stop saying that I’m a lesbian out loud whenever I introduce myself. To me, being a lesbian is an ingrained part of who I am, how I see the world and who I connect with, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
By Kate Zoltak (she/her), Birmingham LGBT Sexual Health Outreach Worker
